In advanced age, my health worsening, I woke up in the middle of the night, and experienced a feeling of happiness so intense and perfect that in all my life I had only felt its premonition. And there was no reason for it. It didn’t obliterate consciousness; the past which I carried was there, together with my grief. And it was suddenly included, was a necessary part of the whole. As if a voice were repeating: “You can stop worrying now; everything happened just as it had to. You did what was assigned to you, and you are not required anymore to think of what happened long ago.” The peace I felt was a dosing of accounts and was connected with the thought of death. The happiness on this side was like an announcement of the other side. I realized that this was an undeserved gift and I could not grasp by what grace it was bestowed on me.
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4 responses to “Awakened – Czeslaw Milosz”
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Thanks, Dave. I just copied this poem and sent it to my 80-year old father, who I believe is thinking a lot about death these days.
I’m confused by the phrase “dosing of accounts.” Is there a chance this is a typo? I would like to share this with my students.
It is a typo — it’s supposed to be “closing of accounts”
[…] Milosz’ “Awakened” is a poem about death, but it speaks also to life. Especially today, when there are enough […]