From The Onion: New Study Reveals Majority of Americans Want

CHICAGO—A study of more than 1,200 subjects by the Consumer Research Institute at Loyola University […]

David Zahl / 9.6.11

CHICAGO—A study of more than 1,200 subjects by the Consumer Research Institute at Loyola University has found that a significant majority of U.S. citizens want. “Regardless of their age, gender, class, education, or religion, Americans are remarkably alike in their capacity to want,” Dr. Stanley Murcheson told reporters Tuesday, noting that 33 percent of survey respondents indicated they not only want, but want really bad. “And among those who want, a growing number also demand, feel entitled to, and actually expect.”

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