Posts tagged "The Onion"
From The Onion: Anxiety-Ridden Man Ashamed of Every Single Thing He Does
Humor / Psychology

From The Onion: Anxiety-Ridden Man Ashamed of Every Single Thing He Does

by David Zahl on May 7, 2012 • 2 Comments

This one’s a bonafide masterpiece:

OAKLAND, CA—Friends and colleagues of copywriter Timothy Gibula confirmed Wednesday that the anxiety-ridden 36-year-old is right to feel ashamed of every single thing he does, considering that all his acquaintances are, exactly as he fears, actively judging him at all times.

Validating every feeling of remorse and social anxiety the man has ever felt, sources close to Gibula told reporters his perpetual anguish over his words and actions could not be more justified, as all of his missteps—ranging from minor lapses of politeness to his overall slightly disappointing career trajectory—are immediately perceived by those around him as…

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From The Onion: Human Civilization Brings Out Worst in Area Man
Humor / Identity

From The Onion: Human Civilization Brings Out Worst in Area Man

by David Zahl on Apr 17, 2012 • No Comments

A new addition to the top tier of Onion brilliance, me thinks. You can read the full article here, ht JD:

“I’ve known Justin for years, and whenever he’s not engaged with modern society in any way, he’s actually pretty nice and laid-back,” said former roommate Michael Mariani, 32, who noted Krypel was typically agreeable when sitting by himself in a room doing nothing. ”However, as soon as he’s exposed to some aspect of the culture in which he lives, he can get pretty irritable and difficult to be around.”

“Some things just really seem to push his buttons, like work, having to deal…

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Another Week Ends: Louis CK, Sam Spade, Prevailing Grace, Heavy Metal, Axl Rose, Viennese Creativity, Cabin in the Woods, and yes, more Damsels in Distress
America / Film / Grace in Practice / Humor / Identity / Law / Music / Science / Theology / TV / Week In Review

Another Week Ends: Louis CK, Sam Spade, Prevailing Grace, Heavy Metal, Axl Rose, Viennese Creativity, Cabin in the Woods, and yes, more Damsels in Distress

by David Zahl on Apr 13, 2012 • 4 Comments

1. “The Filthy Moralist: How Louis C.K. Became America’s Unlikely Conscience” in The Atlantic is remarkable, especially in its conclusion. As always when it comes to Louis, there’s a high depravity quotient, so don’t say we didn’t warn you. But also as always when it comes to Louis, the darkness is not neutral or meaningless (or merely shocking). In fact, it might even be worth the discomfort in this case to get to the final couple of paragraphs, which truly capture what Louis is about, whether he wants to be or not. It strikes me as especially pertinent as we…

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The Onion Reports: Majority Of Instances Of People Getting Lives Back On Track Occur Immediately After Visit To Buffalo Wild Wings
Food / Humor

The Onion Reports: Majority Of Instances Of People Getting Lives Back On Track Occur Immediately After Visit To Buffalo Wild Wings

by David Zahl on Apr 2, 2012 • No Comments

SEATTLE—According to a University of Washington report published Friday, more than two-thirds of major lifestyle reassessments take place after exiting a Buffalo Wild Wings franchise. “Typically, the moment of self-reflection begins when people find themselves in the parking lot asking questions like, ‘Why the hell am I here?’ and ‘What terrible life path am I currently on that led me to a Buffalo Wild Wings?’” said researcher Dr. Priyank Sarin, adding that most individuals hit bottom when they notice the stench of stale barbecue sauce clinging to their clothes and remember how depressed they felt when they caught their own…

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Another Week Ends: Zeitgeistlichkeit, Atheist Religiosity, Freakonomic Fathers, Ralph Erskine, MJ, Devo’s Paradox, Hunger Games, Deep Blue Sea, and Hoarders
Books / Children / Death / Economics / Film / Humor / Law / Literature / Music / Religion / Theology / Week In Review

Another Week Ends: Zeitgeistlichkeit, Atheist Religiosity, Freakonomic Fathers, Ralph Erskine, MJ, Devo’s Paradox, Hunger Games, Deep Blue Sea, and Hoarders

by David Zahl on Mar 23, 2012 • No Comments

1. A pair of terrific book reviews have appeared in The NY Times over the last couple weeks, the first being Generation X author Douglas Coupland‘s inspiring riff on Hari Kunzu’s opus, Gods Without Men, and the exciting new genre it epitomizes (“Translit”). Ironically enough, he makes a number of Twitter-ready observations:

[We are living in a] “state of possibly permanent atemporality given to us courtesy of the Internet. No particular era now dominates. We live in a post-era without forms of its own powerful enough to brand the times. The zeitgest of 2012 is that we have a lot of…

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From The Onion: Girlfriend Changes Man Into Someone She’s Not Interested In
Humor / Relationships

From The Onion: Girlfriend Changes Man Into Someone She’s Not Interested In

by David Zahl on Mar 13, 2012 • 7 Comments

Pretty hilarious one from the Onion archives. You can read the whole thing here:

CHARLOTTE, NC–After two and a half years of subtle prodding and manipulation, Jill Nickles has finally molded boyfriend Brendan Eiler into the sort of man in whom she’s not interested. “When I first met Brendan, he was a guitarist for [local rock band] The Heavy Petters, and I couldn’t take my eyes off him,” said Nickles, 28. “I used to go to Tramp’s every Thursday night just to watch him play. He wasn’t even the most handsome guy in the world, but he just had this mystique,…

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Another Week Ends: John Carter, Obesity FAILs, Mary Karr on Suffering, Winning!, Friends with Kids, Springsteen’s Wrecking Ball and Community Returns
Addiction / Film / Grace in Practice / Humor / Interviews / Literature / Music / Religion / Social Science / Suffering / TV / Week In Review

Another Week Ends: John Carter, Obesity FAILs, Mary Karr on Suffering, Winning!, Friends with Kids, Springsteen’s Wrecking Ball and Community Returns

by David Zahl on Mar 9, 2012 • 3 Comments

1. “I am not Jesus, but I have the same initials.” Thus sang Jarvis Cocker on the classic Pulp track “Dishes” (at bottom), and it now looks like he has a new contender to the throne, Tim Riggins himself, Mr. John Carter of Mars. That’s right: Finding Nemo director Andrew Stanton’s first live-action feature is out this weekend, and the consensus thus far is that there’s no consensus. Some claim that it’s an overblown mess, others that it’s the sort of exceedingly fun pulp adventure that doesn’t get made anymore. But Stanton is a filmmaker that I trust over any…

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Humor / Identity

From The Onion: Woman Sets Record For Longest Amount of Time Spent Talking About Oneself

by David Zahl on Feb 29, 2012 • 3 Comments


Woman Sets Record For Longest Amount Of Time Spent Talking About Oneself

And don’t forget the profanity-laced, but absolutely hilarious “Female Friends Spend Raucous Night Validating the Living [Tarnation] Out of Each Other.”

Another Week Ends: DFW50, Simpsons 500, Ira Talks Radiolab, Rowling Talks New Novel, Helpless Women, Helpless Kids, Lenten Identity, Cormac McCarthy Pictionary
America / Business / Children / Church / Everyday / Film / Humor / Identity / Literature / News / Science / Sermons / Theology / Week In Review

Another Week Ends: DFW50, Simpsons 500, Ira Talks Radiolab, Rowling Talks New Novel, Helpless Women, Helpless Kids, Lenten Identity, Cormac McCarthy Pictionary

by Ethan on Feb 24, 2012 • 1 Comment

All the best wishes for those mockingbirds at the Liberate Conference in Fort Lauderdale this weekend, including our very own David Zahl.

1. Along with the rest of the blogosphere this week, we wish David Foster Wallace a happy 50th birthday. There’s too many blessings to recount, but the web has exploded with numerous avenues for you to get your feet wet or soul soaked. Take a look at The Awl’s “46 Things to Read and See for David Foster Wallace’s 50th Birthday,” a piece of which includes an 86-minute interview with German TV ZDF, the first of which you’ll find…

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Another Week Ends: More Linsanity, IMonk Grace, TechnoSabbaths, Defending Nic Cage, DFW on Corrosive Illusions, Cougarton Abbey and GNR Rumors
Film / Grace in Practice / Humor / Literature / Music / Religion / Sports / Technology / Theology / TV / Week In Review

Another Week Ends: More Linsanity, IMonk Grace, TechnoSabbaths, Defending Nic Cage, DFW on Corrosive Illusions, Cougarton Abbey and GNR Rumors

by David Zahl on Feb 17, 2012 • No Comments

1. Just in case you haven’t overdosed on Linsanity yet, David Brooks offers a sympathetic big-picture perspective in his column in The NY Times, highlighting how the culture of achievement and glory in professional sports conflicts with ethical framework espoused by most of the major religious traditions. Some will certainly say that Brooks going overboard, but I’m not so sure. Of course, there are plenty of valid, non-religious ways to rationalize competition, but attempts to do so on the basis of Christianity have always struck this blogger as particularly unconvincing, ht TB:

The moral ethos of sport is in tension with…

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Humor / Sports

From The Onion: Eli Manning Asks Dad If He Can Stop Playing Football Now

by David Zahl on Feb 6, 2012 • No Comments


Eli Manning Asks Dad If He Can Stop Playing Football Now

Another Week Ends: Immortal Smartphones, Jefferson Bethke, Adolescent Rewards, Profound Comedy, Therapeutic Irony, more George Lucas, Pixar and Hunger Games
Books / Business / Children / Film / Humor / Music / Religion / Science / Social Science / Technology / Week In Review

Another Week Ends: Immortal Smartphones, Jefferson Bethke, Adolescent Rewards, Profound Comedy, Therapeutic Irony, more George Lucas, Pixar and Hunger Games

by David Zahl on Feb 3, 2012 • 2 Comments

1. In last weekend’s NY Times Magazine, Carina Chocano explained “The Dilemma of Being a Cyborg” – AKA what our current obsession with “data” has to say about our humanity – dropping her usual allotment of insight bombs along the way. Not only does she point out the increasingly prevailing illusion that if something wasn’t ‘documented’ it didn’t happen, she gets at the real crux of our smartphoned existence: the false promise of immortality. In other words, a familiar serpent has found its way into the, um, Apple Store:

This is the dilemma of being a cyborg: It’s not just that…

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Another Week Ends: Colbert’s Gratitude, Eagleton’s Jesus, Silent Men, Parenthood, Buck, Twilight Sparkle, and Sendak on Blake
Children / Death / Film / Gender / Grace in Practice / Humor / Literature / Religion / Social Science / TV / Week In Review

Another Week Ends: Colbert’s Gratitude, Eagleton’s Jesus, Silent Men, Parenthood, Buck, Twilight Sparkle, and Sendak on Blake

by David Zahl on Jan 6, 2012 • 3 Comments

1. Midway through The New York Times Magazine’s lengthy profile of America’s favorite all-around man-of-excellence Stephen Colbert, a bomb drops. To comment on his words might detract from their power. Holy Smokes, ht NM:

In 1974, when Colbert was 10, his father, a doctor, and his brothers Peter and Paul, the two closest to him in age, died in a plane crash while flying to a prep school in New England. “There’s a common explanation that profound sadness leads to someone’s becoming a comedian, but I’m not sure that’s a proven equation in my case,” he told me. “I’m not bitter…

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From The Onion: Majority of Americans Experience Profound Sense of Dread When Asked To Name Favorite Music
Humor / Law / Music

From The Onion: Majority of Americans Experience Profound Sense of Dread When Asked To Name Favorite Music

by David Zahl on Jan 6, 2012 • 6 Comments

PHILADELPHIA—A new study from the University of Pennsylvania revealed Wednesday that 81 percent of Americans experience muscle tension, elevated heart rate, and profuse sweating when asked what kind of music they most enjoy listening to. “I got so nervous I ended up just blurting out, ‘Ween,’ and sure, they’re fine, but I have no idea why that was the first thing out of my mouth,” said 28-year-old Richard Rowe, a participant in the study in which a request to specify even one genre preference induced stress levels seldom observed outside of military combat zones. “Then I muttered something about liking…

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More 2011 Favorites: Books, Documentaries, Musical Discoveries and Web
Books / Comics / Fashion / Humor / Identity / Music / Poetry / Religion / Social Science / Theology / Year In Review

More 2011 Favorites: Books, Documentaries, Musical Discoveries and Web

by David Zahl on Dec 29, 2011 • 4 Comments

Books and Film

Favorite Piece of Fiction (Read During 2011): Franny and Zooey by J.D. Salinger. Not just a favorite of the year, but a favorite, period. It’s a rare work of art indeed that can shed light on both The Royal Tenenbaums and the Jesus Prayer. Unbelievably wise, delightfully funny and deeply religious (in the best possible sense), I’m not sure Christ had a better spokesman in the 20th century than Zooey Glass. And has Salinger’s dialogue ever been bettered? I’m only embarrassed it took me this long to discover it. Favorite novel released in 2011 would have to be…

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