1. Over at The New Yorker, Elizabeth Kolbert surveyed the latest swath of parenting books, asking the question “Why Are American Kids So Spoiled?” Much of the article reiterates what we’ve been hearing with alarming frequency the past couple years, namely that the current “helicopter/snowplow” culture of control is backfiring, royally. It’s an honest if also fairly depressing analysis: the “performancism” epidemic being perpetuated (somewhat out of necessity) by US colleges has filtered down to the preschool level, which, combined with the hangover from the self-esteem movement and incredible advances in technology has created this weird situation where kids grow…
America / Books / Children / Conferences / Education / Film / Grace in Practice / Law / Music / Social Science / Testimony / Theology / Week In Review
Another Week Ends: Spoiled Kids, Harvard Perfectionism, KKKlan Grace, Lonergan’s Lament, Negative Thinking, Mormonism, Golf Ethics, Sorkinisms, and Fall Conference Update
Another Week Ends: Gamer Grace, Baby Data, Moonrise Kingdom, Amygdalas, LEGO (and Kinkade) Infernos, Munch’s Scream, more Marilynne, and Parks and Rec
1. Yes Please: A truly wonderful article from our friends at Kill Screen looking at video games through the lens of the Beatitudes, “Blessed are the Geek.” Richard Clark explores the crucial difference between playing for points and playing for fun, the imperative to win vs. the freedom to lose. The grounding concept is that of playfulness, which has long been a favorite subject/approach here at Mbird–so much so that I’m a little jealous that Clark nailed it so beautifully! Definitely recommended for the non-gamer:
[The Beatitudes] reward those who seek to settle competition rather than win it, and those who…
Another Week Ends: Attachment Parenting, Sendak on Innocence, Self-Disclosure, Fraudulent Psych, Prometheus, Avengers, and Josh Hamilton
1. Why Is This Attractive Woman Breast-Feeding This Giant Child? asks Hannah Rosin over at Slate, in response to Time’s, um, eye-catching cover this past week. You know the one I’m talking about – at least you do if you’ve seen it (below). The story within, bearing the not-so-subtle title of “Are You Mom Enough?”, profiles the controversial world of radical attachment parenting and the man behind it, Dr. Bill Sears. Now I’m as big a proponent of breastfeeding as the next guy (…), so the reason I include the article here has nothing to do with developmental health or…
Are Stage Mothers the New Tax Collectors? Toddlers, Tiaras and Dieting 7-Year Olds
A couple of notable new volleys in the parenting wars world. Doubtless by now you’ve heard about Dara-Lynn Weiss, the New York City mother who set off a firestorm by writing an article for Vogue detailing her, um, zealous efforts to curb her 7-year-old daughter’s eating habits. Apparently the poor girl in question was failing to “self-regulate” adequately at the preschool snack table. Weiss has been publicly reproached on every website imaginable (“I’m pretty sure Weiss just handed her daughter the road map to all her future eating disorders,” wrote one commenter on nymag.com), and it’s hard not to concur…
Disarming Parenthood: Love, Joy and Forgiveness in Family Life
April has arrived, AKA NYC Conference month, and so has our latest preview of the NYC Conference breakout sessions! This one comes the lovely and talented Melina Smith, who will be giving her session at 2:30pm on Friday April 20th.
When I heard that the theme of Mockingbird’s 5th annual NYC conference was “Clear Eyes Full Heart: Honesty, Humility, and The Grace of God,” I knew that we would have to have a session which talked honestly about the family dynamic. We have all come from some kind of family, after all, and who doesn’t find themselves regularly reflecting on their…
America / Celebrity / Children / Church / Conferences / Death / Film / Humor / Identity / Law / Music / Relationships / Sermons / Social Science / TV / Week In Review
Another Week Ends: Willy Loman Preaches, Complicated Mourning, Extroversion Mandates, Celebrity Marriage Formulas, Dependency Dilemmas, Kontiki, Mad Men and Rowan Williams
1. A little over four weeks until our Spring Conference in NYC (4/19-21), which means that on Monday night 3/19, the “Earlybird rates” will expire ($150/couple or $100/person all-inclusive). You can’t say we didn’t warn you… If you need an extra push, earlier this week the Episcopal News Service published a generous piece about Mockingbird, which describes our past conferences in flattering terms. So pre-register today! And speaking of our little organization, in the you-can’t-make-this-stuff-up department, a killer Mbird headline appeared in The NY Times recently that was just too uncanny not to share, “Nazareth Defeats Christ the King in…
We (Don’t) Need To Talk About Pierre: The Benefits of French Parenting?
Judging from the amount of forwards to my inbox, Pamela Druckerman’s “Why French Parents Are Superior” has some relevant things to say. The article is another in a line of Wall Street Journal humdingers about parenting, and also the first time I’ve come across the brilliant new term, ‘kindergarchy.’ The gist of Druckerman’s argument is that French parents produce more well-behaved kids (or at least more self-controlled ones) because they are less worried about saying No to their children, that they believe that one of the parents’ primary tasks to teach the child about patience, and that temperament is not…
The Tiger Mother Strikes Again!
I’ve been trying to figure out why Amy Chua, aka The Tiger Mother, gets under my skin so much. On Christmas Eve, The Wall Street Journal published a follow-up piece of hers, which dealt with the relatively hands-off approach she and her husband adopted when their daughter (or “tiger cub”) went off to college. At first blush, it might seem like the sort of anti-helicopter statement that we tend to applaud on this site. But it turned out to be as exasperating a mixture of caricature and self-promotion as her more well known columns last year, just as mired in…
From The Onion: Study Finds Every Style of Parenting Produces Disturbed, Miserable Adults
SANTA ROSA, CA—A study released by the California Parenting Institute Tuesday shows that every style of parenting inevitably causes children to grow into profoundly unhappy adults. “Our research suggests that while overprotective parenting ultimately produces adults unprepared to contend with life’s difficulties, highly permissive parenting leads to feelings of bitterness and isolation throughout adulthood,” lead researcher Daniel Porter said. “And, interestingly, we found that anything between those two extremes is equally damaging, always resulting in an adult who suffers from some debilitating combination of unpreparedness and isolation. Despite great variance in parenting styles across populations, the end product is always…
Clowntime Is Over: Decreased Play Equals Increased Anxiety
Wowza! The Atlantic followed up their recent opus on overparenting-induced anxiety with a report on how decreased playtime is affecting children’s emotional health, “All Work and No Play: Why Your Kids Are More Anxious, Depressed.” It’s sobering, to say the least. There’s not a whole lot to say on the issue that SZ didn’t make pretty clear in his classic post, “Freezing Repetitions and the Spirit of Play in Thornton Wilder’s Theophilus North“ (not to mention the conference talk on which it was based). Only minor note is to say that the authors of the article use the word “control”…
Dragon Mothers and the Greatest Love Story Ever Told
When was the last time you cried reading The NY Times? Not just teared up, but really bawled? Well, if Emily Rapp’s “Notes from a Dragon Mom” doesn’t open the waterworks, I don’t know what will. It’s a staggering piece, the kind that puts all of our lives in due perspective, parenting- or otherwise. The theological implications are enormous and should hopefully be pretty clear (clue: they have less to do with parenting, more to do with being parented). Emily is describing the kind of love that is fundamentally unconcerned with results or behavior (because it can’t be) and is…
Celebrity / Children / Film / Humor / Law / Philosophy / Psychology / Religion / Science / Social Science / Week In Review
Another Week Ends: Parental Blindspots, Damsel Reviews, Rand Abolishing Lewis, Doublethink, Higher Ground and The Magnificent Ambersons
1. A couple of regretful if relevant instances of control backfiring when it comes to children. The first was reported in The NY Times Motherlode blog:
“A newly released poll from the University of Michigan C.S. Mott Children’s Hospital finds that parents look at their children with blinders on, while looking at other children accusingly.”
If you read the comments, you’ll find a sad litany of parental judgment/overinvolvement shutting down the lines of communication with their children, which in turn feeds substance abuse. Not that parents can ever “get this right,” just that there appears to be a relationship between inflated views…
How To Raise a Child… in the Siberian Underworld
A quick reflection on parenting from Mockingbird reader Robby Brumberg:
When I picked up Siberian Education: Growing Up in a Criminal Underworld by Nicolai Lilin, I anticipated a mindless read of non-stop action and sordid Russian violence. So I was surprised to find that the first 100 pages or so paint a nuanced, principled, orderly, even tender picture of growing up in a close-knit community of ‘honest criminals.’ I even found myself feeling a bit envious of a childhood filled with so much tradition, purpose, reverence, cultural pride, adventure and genuine liberty (egregious criminal activity excepted, of course…). Lilin writes:
“Unlike other…
Another One From J.D. Salinger’s “Teddy”
From the last, and arguably best, of the Nine Stories, in which an intellectual converses with the pre-pubescent guru after whom the story is named:
“You love God, don’t you? Nicholson asked, with a little excess of quietness. “Isn’t that your forte, so to speak? From what I heard on that tape and from what Al Babcock –”
Yes, sure, I love Him. But I don’t love Him sentimentally. He never said anybody had to love Him sentimentally,” Teddy said. “If I were God, I certainly wouldn’t want people to love me sentimentally. It’s too unreliable.”
“You love your parents, don’t you?”
“Yes, I…
The Myth of the Perfect (Christian) Parent
http://www.flickr.com/photos/doug88888/4725259066/
A friend emailed this article to me from Christianity Today that I had somehow missed, about the pitfalls of being the perfect Christian parent. The themes of guilt, shame, anxiety (i.e., Law) about producing Christian children are not unfamiliar to MBird readers. Unfortunately, as the author notes, they are also recurrent themes in Christian parenting. She discusses the control that Christians parents often believe that they have over the spiritual formation of their children, and how this control is really an illusion. Here are just a few gems from the article:
I find most Christian parents at the front of…
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