A wonderful little piece recently appeared over at The Wall Street Journal with quite a bit more year-round relevance than its title implies, “All I Want For Christmas…Is Some Space” by Sophia Dembling. Ms. Dembling comments on a form of contemporary righteousness that is increasingly filed under the Type A-Type B dichotomy, namely, the difference between extroverts and introverts. The distinction, of course, is a real one; what’s interesting/sad is how quickly it becomes a hierarchy, i.e. extroverts are good, introverts not so much. Or at least, extroversion is a desirable quality, while introversion is something that needs to be remedied. And while I’m not sure these traits are always as neutral as she seems to suggest, neither are they cut and dry. When Dembling claims that the value judgements associated with these dispositions are especially pronounced this time of year, when parties and socializing are a bit more frequent, she has a point. Thankfully, the party survival pointers she gives to introverts translate to anyone looking to dictate their surroundings at any time of year, i.e. all of us, ht LG:
It’s hard being an introvert in an extrovert-centric society. And it’s even harder during this, The Most Extroverted Time of the Year, with all its merriment and family togetherness.
Extroverts love being around lots of people and lots of fuss. They need it for their well being. We introverts love being alone with our thoughts in a quiet room, and we need it for our well-being. It’s a matter of energy. Extroverts gain it around other people; introverts are drained of it. Needless to say, these can be conflicting needs.
Introverts are often urged to “fix” their personalities, to come out of their shells. But introversion is not the same as shyness, and it doesn’t need to be fixed. Shyness is fear and anxiety in social situations, introversion is just low motivation to get out and mingle. Psychologists consider introversion inborn and a “stable” trait that stays constant throughout our lifetime.
Of course, introversion and extroversion are extremes on a continuum, with most of us falling somewhere in between. But even though roughly half of Americans fall on the introverted side of the scale according to various studies, extroversion has been held in higher esteem. So when extroverts and introverts skirmish, extroverts usually come out victorious, holding the moral high ground because they “love people” and are not “stuck up” or “surly,” like those introverts, sulking in the corner.
[youtube=https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GejSdNkzf-c&w=600]
COMMENTS
2 responses to “The Seasonal Perks of (Not) Being a Wallflower”
Leave a Reply
Sort of reminds me of Frank Limehouse’s invaluable comments that the danger at Christmas isn’t commercialism (most of us can make do without another book or bow tie – wait, no we can’t) but sentimentality.
I read a book this year by Adam McHugh called “Introverts in the Church.” I found it to be a very intriguing read, especially considering I, myself, tend toward the introverted personality side of things. However, I do think he could have been a little more pronounced on the sinfulness inherent in the introverted personality (though he was over-correcting because of the noticeable preference for extroversion in our society). I, too, do not think they are morally neutral, but have failures inherent in both.
Still a decent book to read nonetheless. Glad to see others who are recognizing the falsity of the introvert/shy equivocation!