An immediate classic over at America’s favorite source of news. For the full thing go here, ht EC:
THE HEAVENS AND THE EARTH—The Lord our God, Divine Creator and Ruler of the Universe, announced Wednesday that He considered mountains, not mankind, to be far and away the most impressive thing He had ever brought into being.
Calling the selection “not at all challenging” to make and “kind of a no-brainer,” the deity explained that while He felt the human species was a good creation and worthy of praise, a human being simply paled in comparison to the sheer awesomeness of a snowcapped 20,000-foot mountain.
“Mountains, above all else, are undoubtedly my most splendid creation,” God proclaimed. “Mountains are incredibly tall. They are also miles wide and are filled with millions upon millions of tons of earth. These facts alone make them objectively more impressive than human beings.”…
The all-knowing, all-powerful being went on to state that humans were not even among His top-10 most awe-inspiring creations, adding that it was “a little bit presumptuous” that mankind would even consider itself to be in the same category as, say, dinosaurs or oceans.
The latter, He said, came close to mountains, but “can’t compete when you factor in that some mountains also have avalanches, and avalanches are incredibly impressive.”
The Lord also pointed out that while it was physically impossible for a human to kill a mountain, the rocky behemoths could easily slaughter a person and did so nearly every day, a fact that He said was “just another reason mountains are categorically better.”