For I would have you know, brothers, that the gospel that was preached by me is not man’s gospel. – Galatians 1:11

In honor of the release of The Avengers this week, Muscle & Fitness Magazine has fortified us with another brilliant analogy of the impossibility and allure of the unattainable.  This month’s issue sports an impressive picture of The Incredible Hulk right next to the promising tagline: “Get huge like the Hulk with our real-life routine!”  The article exposes the incredibly neurotic belief that happiness always lies at the next level up.  Funny how it is always just beyond your grasp.

Speakeasy (The Wall Street Journal’s Arts & Entertainment publication) savages Muscle & Fitness with Mockingbirdian wit and vigor in their on-line article here.  The following are some of the best excerpts:

Speakeasy has some news for weightlifters and fitness enthusiasts: lift all you want, you won’t get a strong as the Hulk.

You want to know why? Because the Hulk is a comic book character.

…when it comes to fanboy frenzy, we have to draw the line somewhere. And we’re drawing it at articles that promise to help you to “get huge like the Hulk,” who, 1) is the result of a gamma radiation experiment gone wrong and 2) is given to roid-rage-like rampages that really shouldn’t be imitated and 3) as we noted before is a fictional character.

The serious issue here is that as CGI movie creations become increasingly lifelike, real people will face a growing temptation to try to look like the fantasy creations they see on screen.

While we’re on the subject, please don’t try to shrink your waistline to look like Gollum in “The Lord of the Rings.” He’s not real either.

Inside “Muscle & Fitness,” the cover article boasts “You don’t need gamma radiation to get big and strong–just a good gym and a desire to smash!”

That’s certainly true–you don’t need radiation to get fit, and it’s certainly helpful of the magazine to point that out. Five points for Gryffindor.