A new addition to the top tier of Onion brilliance, me thinks. You can read the full article here, ht JD:
“I’ve known Justin for years, and whenever he’s not engaged with modern society in any way, he’s actually pretty nice and laid-back,” said former roommate Michael Mariani, 32, who noted Krypel was typically agreeable when sitting by himself in a room doing nothing. ”However, as soon as he’s exposed to some aspect of the culture in which he lives, he can get pretty irritable and difficult to be around.”
“Some things just really seem to push his buttons, like work, having to deal with other people, or any inescapable feature of human existence along those lines, really,” Mariani continued. ”It’s best to try to avoid that stuff when you’re around him.”
“For a long time, I thought Justin was kind of a jerk, but that’s because I only ever saw him in the context of universally agreed upon societal conventions and the fundamental precept of the division of labor, both of which tend to draw out some of his more negative characteristics,” coworker Ellen Chastenay, 30, said. ”Eventually I realized he just has certain triggers, like being a member of a functioning society.”
“If you can keep him away from the concepts of cooperation, the social contract, or the necessity of using a common language to engage in routine interpersonal communication, he’s just like everyone else,” Chastenay added.
“Sure, a lot of things like popular culture, science, procuring goods or services, computers, and reading really set him off, but that’s not who he actually is,” said wife Sandra Krypel, 33, noting that while asleep or staring silently into the distance, her husband could be quite even-tempered. ”Those things just happen to be completely incompatible with his personality. Believe me, on the inside, which is as insulated as possible from anything we would recognize as the human experience, he’s actually a good-natured, great man.”
“Though I’ll be the first to admit that when he lets out one of his long, exaggerated sighs of indignation, you simply can’t help wanting to punch him right in the back of his big fat head,” she added.