As a Christian, I often feel the heavy weight of putting my best foot forward no matter what is happening in my life. Because I believe in Jesus Christ, I should always be happy and praising God at every moment. The problem is, it’s not true; I don’t feel that way all the time. In the midst of sorrow and suffering I want to throw my bible rather than read it; I want to cry rather than praise; I want to scream “why?!” rather than give thanks. Even after about six years of biblical and theological study, when I’m hit with sorrow and suffering my heart still breaks, I still cry out and weep and, some times, even doubt.
But these emotions are not signs of disbelief or unfaithfulness.
Rather, they are the desperate and honest cries of a broken heart. Cries that demonstrate my humanity and my deep need for something bigger than and beyond myself. In sorrow and suffering, I am backed into a corner, all my abilities and strengths rendered useless. I am broken. I am needy. I am helpless. In sorrow and suffering, I fall down before the Cross and plead for help and am made fully aware of my finitude and my inability to do anything else.