I have been thinking recently about “self esteem.” It’s a concept about which I have moved from indifference to a regular disdain. My opinion has always been that the modern obsession with self-esteem is related to the abundant narcissism in our families and culture. But recently, as I’ve become more familiar with some of the research involved, I’ve realized that there is something that doctors are observing here that reorients us towards the gospel.
Terrance Real, a psychiatrist at Harvard, defines self esteem in this way: “It is the capacity to cherish oneself in the face of one’s own imperfections, not because of what one has done or what one can do.” He goes on to describe how developmental theorists describe the most important component of healthy parenting as “unconditional positive regard.” According to doctors, it is the “gleam in a parent’s eye” that is internalized by children and becomes the foundation for healthy self regard in the future. When this “gleam” is interrupted by violence or neglect, children search for “self esteem props,” or counterfeit ways to replace the missing unconditional affection.
Dr. Real locates the problem differently than I would. While I would look back to the Fall for the root cause, he sees sociology and culture as the real culprits. But it is important not to throw the baby out with the bath water. After all, does not the work of Jesus internalize within us the unconditional affection of the Father? Does not God in Jesus and in the indwelling Spirit, offer Himself unconditionally? I am reminded of Romans 5, “The love of the God is poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit.”
I have seen this personally in action with my 16-month old son. There have been precious moments where I can tell that he is, in such a healthy way, imbibing the affection and love of my wife and myself. The opposite is, I am sad to say, also true. Moments of frustration, anger, and disappointment are clearly internalized in a powerful way.
Dr. Real locates the problem differently than I would. While I would look back to the Fall for the root cause, he sees sociology and culture as the real culprits. But it is important not to throw the baby out with the bath water. After all, does not the work of Jesus internalize within us the unconditional affection of the Father? Does not God in Jesus and in the indwelling Spirit, offer Himself unconditionally? I am reminded of Romans 5, “The love of the God is poured out into our hearts by the Holy Spirit.”The problem with my own anti-self-esteem position was that it was really something else hidden by a pious mask: my own desire to use the Bible’s teaching on sin [the Law] to wage war against myself, particularly against the person that I feel like I should not be. In doing so, I unintentionally muted the Bible’s teaching on love [the Gospel], contributing to the further dismemberment of the person that God had pronounced his affection for without condition. It prolonged the establishment of the internal “gleam in the eye” of my Heavenly Father. And without this foundation of love, there is no basis for self-sacrificial acts of love. If I am truly loved by the Father, why then would I continue down paths of addiction, narcissism, and sin in a vain search to realize that love?
To be sure, there is still much to disagree with in the current self esteem movement. Anything that fully localizes the cure within the self is ultimately insufficient. But I wonder if at times we are too quick to judge. And when we do, we miss out on moments of harmony with the natural sciences. More importantly, I am further convinced that just shouting the Law louder is not a strategy for healing broken people. I found there were parts of myself that wanted to shout the Law louder, in order to participate in a pious looking ritual of self-punishment and release. Instead, internalizing the Gospel, which at its core, is God’s “gleaming eye” for his people, is a promise of healing, hope, and restoration.
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5 comments
John Stamper says:
Jan 19, 2009
Lovely and thoughtful piece. Thanks.
My own view is that the solution to the problem of “self-esteem” is always Gospel. As long as the solution is centered in attempts to evade the Gospel and its “simul” — I am a complete mess/wretch but am absolutely beloved — then the solution will be wrong.
For my favorite Gospel Evasion, check out Slate.com’s recent HAPPINESS PROJECT, including the post “Six Ways To Boost Your Sense of Self-Respect”:
http://www.slate.com/blogs/blogs/happinessproject/archive/2009/01/14/six-tips-for-boosting-your-sense-of-self-respect.aspx
Leander Harding says:
Jan 19, 2009
Even Dobson has some relatively good things to say about the psychological literature of self-esteem. The problem is not the understanding in psychology per se but in the popularization. Self-esteem is a capacity to have a realistic attitude toward the self, neither self-punishing nor self-congratulating. From the viewpoint of Christian Theology the nearest thing to the better psychological description of self-esteem is the Christian virtue of humility. How far real self-esteem can developed with knowledge and dependence on the forgiveness, mercy and love of God is the question at which a point of apologetic contact comes into play.
R-J Heijmen says:
Jan 19, 2009
Leander!
Great to see you here.
Hope all is well.
rj
KP says:
Jan 21, 2009
I love how you noticed that your disdain for self esteem comes from a self absorbed piety that affords little grace in the face of judgement.
Powerful…
John Zahl says:
Jan 23, 2009
I wrote an essay about this exact issue some time ago. I personally think that either our confidence in life comes from Christ’s work on our behalf (faith), or from self-reliance (justification by works). I don’t think it can be derived from both places. Alister McGrath and his wife, a psychologist, wrote a book together about this same material called “Self-Esteem: The Cross and Christian Confidence”. In it there is a wonderful quote that deals with the way in which Christian therapy is affected by an infusion (what they call “internal”) versus an imputation (they call it “external”) paradigm. Here is the quote:
(pp. 97-99) “So how does the doctrine of justification by faith relate to self-esteem? The key linking concept is that of righteousness. For the Christian, it may be helpful to think of positive self-esteem as a psychological sign of having comprehended that one is counted as right with God, and thus with oneself.
“Earlier, we noted a distinction between internal and external styles of attribution in relation to self-esteem. The Greek verb translated ‘to justify’ really has the sense ‘to count someone as righteous’, or ‘to esteem someone as righteous’. There are two quite different ways of thinking about the idea of being justified in the sight of God. The first way involves an internal style of attribution, in which the following style question is asked: ‘what is it about me that would allow anyone to count me as righteous?’ This way of thinking can lead to despair if the person’s self-view is negative, and to an unmerited conceit if the person holds a good opinion of himself or herself.
“The internal-attribution style naturally leads to the triumphalist view that we can do something to establish our righteousness. If we can justify ourselves by works (the Pelagian idea), our emotional investment tends to fall on our achievements and spurs us on to attempt to achieve more. Our sense of personal security and esteem thus comes to rest upon what we do and the way we feel about it.
“The second approach concerns an external style of attribution, in which the question being asked is: ‘What is it about God that makes him see me as righteous?’ This style of attribution creates a sense of expectancy for action on the part of God, rather than a feeling that we out to be achieving something. This vital shift in the frame of reference moves us away from a human-centered, works-orientated approach to our personal worth, and instead points us firmly towards a God-centered, faith-orientated approach. (As we noted earlier, ‘faith’ does not mean a human work, but a work of gift of God within us.)
“Justification is thus about our status in the sight of God. It is about the way we are viewed by that most significant of all others – God. The Greek work translated “righteousness’ is not simply a moral idea. It is far more than that, embracing central Christian ideas such as ‘being in a right relationship with god’ and ‘being regarded as of worth by God’. Believers thus regard themselves (rightly!) as sinners; but in the sight of God, they are also righteous on account of their justification. God reckons believers as righteous on account of their faith. Through faith, the believer is clothed with the righteousness of Christ, in much the same way, Luther suggests, as Ezekiel 16:8 speaks of God covering our nakedness with his garment. For Luther, faith is the right (or righteous) relationship to God. Sin and righteousness thus coexist; we remain sinners inwardly, but we are righteous extrinsically in the sight of God. By confessing our sins in faith, we stand in a right and righteous relationship with God. From our own perspective we are sinners; but in the perspective of God we are righteous.”