I recently watched “P.S. I Love You” and loved it. I cannot say it was a particularly good movie, but I really enjoyed it because I enjoy all movies that romanticize love. I think it is because I know how bad at loving I really am and for two hours at a time I want to believe that I am different. That I am like the guy on the screen who loves the leading lady the way I want to love.
I want my dysfunction to be cute and funny like it is in the movies. I want all my fights to be only silly misunderstandings that we can all look back on and laugh. But they’re not. My dysfunction comes from years of insecurity and sarcasm, from broken relationships and loss. My fights are because I can be a very mean person when I am hurt, because I want to win and be right so bad it is all I can focus on sometimes.
I am the one who leaves the dishes in the sink, and cheats on his wife, and works so much that his kids don’t even want to see him anymore. That is who I am and so I enjoy disappearing into the cute and tragic world of Holly Kennedy and her late husband who helps her grieve his death…because one day I want someone to love me so much that their whole world is destroyed when I am gone.
It is this very same desire that draws me to the Lord, that makes me wake up everyday and rejoice that I am a priest. Because I know that there is a God who loves me so much that he could not stand living without me. Even though I rejected all his advances and insisted that I was better off on my own, as my own god, he sent his Son to die for me that I might live.